Postpartum Intimacy: What to Expect?

Postpartum S.E.X.

By: Dr. Erica Magruder

It’s… different. You’ve just birthed a baby, and your body feels like it’s still not your own. 

I remember feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, AND if I was really lucky also leaking milk from my boobs. 

There were definitely moments the boobs were off limits; my bra stayed on, because who knew when the milk makers were going into action. 

To say the least, there are barriers. But, you can find ways to work around the barriers.

Happy Baby Stretch

Here’s what I talk about with my patients who are having trouble returning sex postpartum: 

Find Other Ways to Create Intimacy 

Do you know your love language? How about your partner’s love language? 

Does your partner know YOUR love language?

We can build intimacy with our partners in many different ways. 

Some people need physical touch. Make out with your partner. Get frisky in other ways outside of penetrative intercourse. Cuddle. Take some time to find touch that feels good to you. 

Butterfly Stretch

Conversation can be huge for building intimacy. Conversation can also be exhausting or draining. So pick your topics. Or maybe just pick what topics are off limits. I would suggest: kids, finances, chores, and family drama. Make these conversations fulfilling and enjoyable. 

Can somebody give me a shout out for DATE NIGHT!?! This is not impossible. It may feel this way, but get creative folks. Have an afternoon date, or a date at home while your baby is napping. Use your community; let someone babysit if you have this available to you. It will be so worth it. 

Schedule Time for Intimacy 

I know this sounds like a real downer, but better to have scheduled intimacy than no intimacy at all! 

And for the love, refer to the above section… this does not  just mean the grand finale. Find what helps you and your partner feel closer to each other, and get it scheduled. 

Let me help you out a bit: 

-During nap time

-After bedtime

-During play time on the floor

-While you have visitors (leave them with the baby and go have a coffee, play a game, chat it up)

Child’s Pose Stretch

-You won’t just “have time.” You need to make time. Schedule time. 

Prep Your Body for the Main Event

Take some time to chill, wind down. If you have no idea where to start, here are some exercises to get you on the right track. 

Breath Work

Use your breath to connect to your pelvic floor. Work through diaphragmatic breathing to move your pelvic floor muscles and help them prepare for lengthening. 

Stretching

There are many easy and effective stretches to open your pelvis. You can pair these stretches with your breathing to really encourage your pelvic floor muscles to relax and prepare for intimacy. 

These are some of my favorite: Extended Child’s Pose, Reclined Butterfly, and Happy Baby

Pelvic Wand

A pelvic wand is a fantastic tool to directly lengthen your pelvic floor muscles. Your pelvic floor physical therapist can help direct the best use based on your pelvic floor muscles. 

Tell Your Partner What You Need

To do this, you first have to figure out what you need. 

Your partner does not know. They do not know you don’t feel sexy. They do not know you’re worried about leaking milk. They do not know you’re having pain with sex. They do not know (but should know)  you’re exhausted. They do not know you’re worried about baby waking up, or needing to eat. 

It could be you need to ask for some help with your baby or things around the house. You may need to “set the mood”-- dim the lights, clean up your room, shower, put on something that makes you feel good.

It’s not easy to figure out what you need, or what’s “missing.” But, you can do it. 

And, maybe the most important thing to remember about sex postpartum is there is no universal right time to have sex after baby. Everyone has their own timeline. 6 weeks is your doctor saying, your body is physically “safe” to have intercourse. Not “you have to start having sex at 6 weeks” or “it’s time, make it happen”. This is simply when you’re “cleared”. If you’re excited or ready to go, do it! If you’re hesitant, nervous, exhausted, or just not ready, use this guide to ease back in. 

Postpartum sex can, and should be great! It should be just as wonderful as before you birthed a baby!

If you have any questions or want to chat about your personal postpartum experience with returning to sex, please reach out to our clinic!

Here are some of my favorite products to help you on your postpartum returning to sex journey:

Lubrication: 

Slippery Stuff

Good Clean Love

Coconu: Use Code: EYP for a discount

Pelvic Wand by Intimate Rose

Use ERICA22 for $5 off a checkout

Come as You Are. By: Emily Nagoski